Do you self sabotage?
Have you ever self sabotage? If so, keep reading to find out WHY and how to stop it!
I had a lot of questions and comments on feeling overwhelmed and so much pressure we put on ourselves from the last email and so I thought I would put this together with something I know we ALL struggle with: self sabotage. Let’s call her Sabotage Girl (or Guy, for my male readers), to add a little personality in order to understand this tricky part of the mind 🤬
The thing about Sabotage Girl is that she just lovesssssss to take over the mind and bring your fears into the forefront of your life. She (and he!) works with our subconscious mind to bring up all those deep-rooted beliefs that often times you didn’t even know you had!
If you’re wondering how this pattern works and where you can see her pop her not-so-pretty head out, think about:
- The last time you had a huge meeting or test and didn’t prepare for it
- Had a date you were really excited for and sent a kind of bitchy message to the person without knowing why
- Were going on vacation and ended up eating everything in the kitchen the week prior even though you were supposed to be dieting
Sound familiar? For myself, I went through years of self-sabotage when it came to modeling. The night before a shoot I would binge eat and couldn’t understand why. I felt so guilty the next day and got really mad at myself. It took me a lot of inner work to realize that Sabotage Girl was coming out to play because I had a deep rooted fear that I didn’t deserve success.
I mean woaaaaaah. What?! Where did that come from and why was I eating my feelings of being scared?
The thing about Sabotage Girl and Guy is that she (he) will keep coming up until you get to the core of WHY you do negative behaviors to yourself. Remember, no one else controls you, so you can’t blame you stress eating on anyone else! You have to sit down and really try to understand WHY you do those things.
Need some help here? Great! I gotcha covered.
Let’s do a little exercise to find out how you self sabotage.
Take out a pen and paper and write down 3 behaviors you do that you KNOW you shouldn’t be. This can be anything from pushing your partners buttons, emotional/ stress eating, to not studying for a test. Next, for each one of these behaviors, write down what CAUSES you to do them. You might have to think here. For the fights with your partner, it could be that they don’t show you love in the way you want, stress eating could be because you’re tired, and not studying could be because you don’t like the degree you’re studying. Think hard on this one, but also, write the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t overanalyze, just see what comes up.
Got it? Once you have identified where Sabotage Girl (and Guy) come into your life, and WHY she shows up, it’s time to stop it. If you know that you emotional eat when you’re tired, then the solution will be to figure out WHY you’re tired and how to prevent it. I know that if I don’t get enough sleep (hint, hint, if I am on my phone too late at night!) then I am absolutely more inclined to eat shitty food the next day. Complete this until you have an actual SOLUTION to try this week to combat Sabotage Girl/Guy.
I’ll give you an example for myself:
Nikki’s Sabotage Girl Behavior: Drown myself in work (i.e. insane levels of stress) because I can’t pass on any jobs to others
Cause of behavior: I don’t trust others will do as good of a job as myself
Prevention to try: This week become vulnerable with the person I need help from and explain exactly where I need help, and where they can use THEIR skills to take over
Even that is hard to admit to myself, let alone YOU… but I’d love to hear yours. I think it’s important to be able to see others often have similar beliefs and behaviors as you.
Please let me know if you have any questions about this and why we self sabotage. Through the next few weeks I’ll answer any questions you have and dive deeper into Sabotage Girl / Guy, fears and how to overcome them!