I Can’t Do A Handstand!

02 Mar 2015

So as many of you know, I’m heading out to Bali for my yoga teacher training, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. To catch up, read this post here. Now, I decided that I would start blogging like I used to with my modeling because I think it’s fun for others to be able to understand what going to Bali is like, what learning to be a yoga teacher is like, and for others to see a bit more into my personal life. I know for myself, I would have loved to read my favorite teacher’s perspective on their training; the good, the bad, and the ugly backbends. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m a celebrity of any sort, and I realize it might be presumptuous to think people actually care about what I’m doing in my life…and you could be right. However, I’m mainly keeping this blog about the trip as a way to share my thoughts, feelings, pictures and what I learn while away. So in reality, it’s actually me being selfish for myself. Haha!

Well anyways, I leave tomorrow. Nearly a full 24 hours to go and I’ll be starting my 25 hour journey to Bali! All has been pretty good leading up to me leaving. I’ve managed to take care of all those annoying little things that have come up so conveniently before I leave. I’ve done all my yoga clothes shopping (and jeez louise- yoga clothes are NOT cheap!), and I’ve packed my bag.

So it sounds like I’m ready to go, right? Well, nearly. The biggest downfall being that for the past week I came down with a cold. Now I don’t get sick all that often and when I do it’s mainly for a day, if that. It turns out the universe had other plans for me (obviously for a reason!) and got me sick for one whole week right before leaving. See, my plan going into this training was to be doing yoga every day, meditating, go for runs, reading my yoga books and getting my body and mind prepared. Hmmm. That didn’t go quite as planned. At all acutally. Being sick for the past week left me with enough energy to force myself to run errands. That was all. So I didn’t do any yoga. I didn’t go for any runs. And I honestly didn’t even have the mental capacity to sit and read a book. Hmm….


Okay, okay. Not here to complain about being sick. It’s never fun for ANYONE! Tonight being my last night in town, I had made a pact to myself that I would go to this new yoga class which is focusing on inversions- now that’s my sort of class! Earlier in the day I didn’t feel up for it and was falling asleep after running my last few (forced) errands. Miraculously, 30 minutes before I found myself putting on my yoga clothes, getting out of bed (yes, at 5pm) and driving to Equinox. High five Nikki! So proud of myself.

Now here comes the interesting part…I’m going to Bali to learn how to be a yoga instructor, where I can then teach others. While I was in this class, there were soooo many people that could do handstands and flow down into their plank pose, upward dog, downward dog, then back into a handstand. If you have ever tried a handstand (since being an adult, being a kid doesn’t count!), then you know it is damn well HARD. It is also something I haven’t mastered yet and it drives me nuts. I’m very competitive and so not being able to do this after practicing yoga for so many years has really started to nag at me.

It was quite interesting for me during this yoga practice, because as I’m learning in the books I’m reading, yoga is all about letting the ego go and becoming one with yourself. No longer needing or wanting material things and not comparing yourself to others. Hmmmm…. Looks like I have a long way to go then! Because all I did during this class was compare. It made me feel like a fraud going to Bali. I was thinking, why am I doing this? I’m not even good at yoga. I can’t hold the poses and my legs are getting too tired. I can’t do a handstand, therefore I must not be good…. Now I understand how silly this might sound, espcially when looking at these photos I’ve included. Yoga is one of those things that if you don’t practice frequently, like EVERYTHING, you are not quite as flexible. I can do many poses that many others can’t, and I cannot do many other poses that many others can.


Ever had thoughts like these….about ANYTHING in your life? Well, just know you are not alone! Even the best of the best, Bolt, Beyonce, Miranda Kerr, your favorite teacher from school and your best friend all have thoughts that they are not good enough when compared to someone else. This is human nature.

One thing I have learned through my 27 years on this planet is that we can sit there and compare until we go mad, or we can stop comparing ourselves and begin to appreciate ourselves for who we are in this exact moment. It’s tough….I know! It’s easier to put ourselves down than it is to bring ourselves up. It’s seen as self-centered or being full of ourselves if we talk good about ourselves. At the end of the day though, who cares what others think? As long as you are being a kind person, not talking bad about others, and doing what you need to do to be happy with yourself then seriously who cares.

Okay, so enough side chat. By the end of my yoga class I had this brilliant idea to write this post. I think it’s important to share the struggles AND the triumphs in life to show that at the end of the day- we really are all the same. So what did I learn from my yoga class? That practicing my damn handstand every day means I will get there. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. I sit here eating my last meal in my house (which of all random things is some Ezekiel bread, toasted and topped with fried eggs and avocado) and with my cat sitting on my arm not wanting me to go writing this up.

So that’s all for now. I will be doing a review on flying as I’m traveling with China Air in business class and figured it could be fun to share some of the food, seats and whatever else goodies (or badies) that happen during the flight. See you all in Bali!


With love, N

5 Responses

  1. ebz says:

    would love to know step by step how the yoga training goes, I am a very beginner at it and have been researching bali courses for awhile now, I would love to plunge right in, but in fear a 200hour course with no full experience will be in over my head. good luck

    • Nikki Sharp says:

      Thank you! I will be posting quite often about it during my time so don’t forget to subscribe for all the updates xoxo

  2. brooke says:

    Hey Nikki,
    Been looking at your stuff for sometime now and love it. CONGRATS on doing your YTT in Bali, and in general. As a long time yoga student/teacher I wanted to share my thoughts. When I first came to my mat I wantes to land handstands more than anything. Flexibility I have down, strenth needs work. It took me some time to realize however that landing an inversion is not what the practice is about if I lose myself in the process. I remembered that I’m very active aside from my mat so wheb I come to yoga, it’s my place to stretch and release. Other people can hop up into hand stands as much as they want if it suits them. I had a student complain to me about how intimidated she felt when people were taking all these arm balances that she didn’t have the energy to do. I reminded the girl that she was a professional dancer and of course she wouldn’t have the energy to do a handstand. I reminded her that the people who took inversions are the ones who aren’t as active off their mats and therefore had the energy to pop up into difficult poses. It opened her eyes, and my own really.

    Get it giiirrll!!

    • Nikki Sharp says:

      Thank you so much for the comment! And yes, I completely agree…that’s what I realized about handstands and inversions, etc. That I will get to wherever my body and mind needs to be right here right now. I think that the inversions sometimes are so easy for some that they begin to forget about the meditation and breathing of yoga…it becomes all about the physical (Which isn’t full yoga! hehe). Xoxo

  3. FraNces says:

    Wow! You complétela described myself. Ir is horrible feeling like that and knowing you are only hurting yourself while thinking this but can’t stop thinking “am I good enough” …. I completely agree with your post! Thank you for sharing! It is good to sometimes feel you are not alone! I hope your yoga training is incredible! Namaste 🙂

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