What Really Happens In Bali
It’s now been what seems forever since I did my yoga teacher training. It’s quite funny really because I was so scared to do it, both to take time off from my ‘life’ and money. Well, a few weeks later and I’ve not only stayed in Bali and extra month, I’ve managed to do some awesome things with work, I’ve gotten more inspiration than in a longgggg time, and I’ve learned crazy amounts about myself.
So I sit here in Kuta, on my second to last night of being in Bali. One part of me feels like I’ve been away a day and a half, the other part feels like I’ve left my life a year ago. Well, maybe that’s because I won’t be going home to the same life. I have no desire and no intention to. I’ve learned so much about being happy, about keeping myself motivated, and about really doing what I want in my career that I wonder what would ever make me go back to the other way of living. You know, Nikki Sharp pre Bali. But in all seriousness, I have experienced more beautiful moments as one could possibly imagine while I’ve been away. I’ve met the coolest, most inspiring people from all over the globe all with such lovely stories, tried so much good food, and seriously had some crazy travels here.
I mean really, in 2 months I have lived out of a suitcase and jumped from hotel to hotel. This was my itinerary from March-May: surf resort near padang bai, mao meno in gili meno, st. regis in nusa dua, anantara in seminyak, four seasons in ubud, sedasa in canggu, a homestay in ubud, viceroy in ubud, sedasa in canggu, and finally sheraton in kuta. I feel like my bag has never fully been unpacked and I’m wearing the same 3 outfits because they aren’t wrinkled, even though I have some pretty cute clothes with me. Alas, I’ve worn the same sandals, dress, shorts and few tops the whole time. So much for that hair straightener, makeup and heels that I brought ha!
Anyways, as many places as I’ve stayed, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for everything that’s happened. But with all good comes bad. That’s life. Yin and yang.
I have broken down more than my fair share and I sort of feel like I’ve only really started hitting the surface of letting my ‘crap’ go that I’ve been holding on to. I sort of feel like Kim K with all my breakdowns as of late, and honestly, it’s hard to tell what exactly is causing them. Is it that I miss home? Well, sure, I do. Is it that I miss my friends? Of course. Is it that I have opened Pandora’s box and unleashed all my ‘trash’ from my life to finally surface and really begin to sort it out? Oh gosh, you betcha. Or is it that my period has changed, what being in a tribe full of girls for 3 weeks, that it’s managed to change to the effect that I literally have no idea when it’s coming and if I’m pms’ing from that? Most likely. No matter what is causing all my cry sessions, I must say they’ve been cathartic. It feels good to let loose and get raw, even if it means I am crying because I feel bad about my life, myself, my relationships, etc. I’m glad to be letting it out rather than holding onto this sort of junk that I don’t need. It helps me learn and grow.
Bali has been a time of transformation. I have learned that I NEED yoga and meditation daily. I’ve never felt so good as when I was doing it every morning. I realize that with all my travel since the training that I’ve fallen out of the daily routine of it, and it’s not suiting me well. I know that I must make this a priority in my life to do every morning for myself.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned though while away is that I need to really begin to focus on me. This means with some serious self-love. I’ve constantly beaten myself up for everything. I never feel good enough and I’m not sure where this stems from. I have learned that I focus SO much of my attention on others and trying to make everyone else get healthy and happy that sometimes I forget about me. I have learned that in times of bad, I am never alone, although it can seem like it.
Really though, being away, meeting everyone I have, gaining a few pounds, learning yoga, and traveling so much has taught me that I am a pretty strong girl who is confident yet still has her down moments, a girl who tries her best, and a girl that is seeking out the same things that we all are. I am a girl who wants to love and be loved. I am a girl who wants to make a change in this world whether it’s through helping 100 million people or just my parents. I am a girl who needs to learn to love herself a little bit more, even if she doesn’t feel perfect, because really, perfect is only something that we create when we compare ourselves to others.
While my time in Bali is coming to an end with only one full day left, I know that I’ll be taking so much of this wonderful place back to LA with me. Who knows, maybe I’ll be back before I even know it.
With love, Nikki
PS- don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter as I’m still posting LOADS from Bali, including the rest of my journal from the yoga teacher training, best places to eat in Bali, what to do all over, hotels I’ve stayed at and if I recommend them, plus ALL my travel photos!