Yoga Teacher Training: Day 4
Today is day 4. I am finding myself getting very annoyed and angry in the morning. This is due to the fact that I feel out of control of everything here right now. I forgot what it’s like to be in school, so please forgive me those of you who know this feeling all too well. Because we wake up so early, we have to go to bed very early. Now I’m a huge morning person, but a 5:30am morning person, not so much. I can do it for a day or two, but waking up this early and going into our meditation/yoga practice for 2 hours, 45 minutes is beginning to make me cranky. I just need a day off. Luckily we have a full day off on Saturday. I am not trying to sound ungrateful or that I don’t want to be here. Not even in the slightest bit. I’m just exhausted, both mentally and physically. The weather hasn’t been nice and we’ve only had one day of sunshine. All the other days have been on and off rain with clouds, which means there is next to no breeze. So it’s stifling, clammy, and you are beyond sticky. I’ve lost my appetite because of the weather, waking up so early and mentally I’m not able to enjoy it. The ironic thing is that the harder it gets, the more we are learning that we need to disassociate the mind from the body and not let the fatigue, pain or tiredness affect us. It’s one of those, easier said than done things, but I’m learning and trying.
I AM enjoying it though…beyond words! I am so grateful to be here and still kind of can’t believe I actually got myself to finally do it. But it’s tough. This is by far the toughest thing I have ever experienced in my life. We are awake and active for 12 hours each day, with practice being 9 full hours. It’s taxing. I am loving every moment of it all, between learning how to correctly do the postures, learning all the reasoning behind yoga, the mind, and meditation, and the anatomy behind it all. But goodness, every part of my body hurts and we are only on day 4! We have anatomy homework each night, so the only real time you have to yourself is the two hour lunch, which we have a few different restaurants to chose from.
The past few days have all gone past in a bit of a blur, and it’s hard to tell what happened on one day versus another. So far, this has been mentally and physically taxing (and I’m sure it will only get more intense) while at the same time being the most rewarding thing I’ve done for myself. Each evening I think how lovely it would be to have a glass of wine, but then the next morning I’m so glad when I haven’t had any because we are not allowed to. In the coming posts I’ll try to go into more detail about the program, the type of yoga I am learning and more 🙂
Here is our schedule:
6- 8.45am Yoga practice/meditation
8:45- 9.45am Breakfast
9:45- 12:30pm Yoga lecture
12:30- 2.30pm Lunch
2:30- 4:30 pm Anatomy lecture
4:30- 4:45pm Break
4:45- 6:30pm Yoga practical
The first two days I was waking up for the Muslim prayer around 5am, however the past two mornings I’ve been waking up minutes before we go to our 6am practice. As I said, my body is exhausted. The plus side of this is that I’m sleep like a rock, which I haven’t done in YEARS! It’s really quite exciting actually!
I am happy to be here, excited, and can’t wait for each day. It’s also beyond tough and there are so many times I think ‘what the F am I doing here?’. It’s the fear of not being able to complete each day, not enjoying it, not passing the tests or the written parts, not learning the Sanskrit, and not keeping my focus that I worry about. But that’s normal. Fear in everything. We are learning that once you let go of fear is only when you can finally control things. I have a long way to go and it’s a scary path but I think totally worth it. On a side note, it’s amazing how I go to yoga practice in LA and all the teachers seem so grounded, happy, and that yoga is such an ‘easy’ thing…it makes me wonder if they all struggled this much doing their training (not everyone does the 3 week intensive courses, which I’m thinking might make it a bit easier), or if it’s just me. I wonder the same about all the other people here too….is it just me, or do they all feel this way too?
Well that’s all for now. I must get back to my Day 4, yoga lecture before lunch and learn to enjoy all that I cannot control.