Not Beating Yourself Up…

01 Jul 2015

Like you, I’m a person who deals with ups and downs in life, who eats well, and doesn’t eat well, and who has to motivate myself to get back on track. So why do I share this? Because I realize that I used to share this a lot more than I used to. When I started Stay Sharp Be Strong I told my story. I told you all when I was having up and down days. You celebrate my successes with me and helped me to overcome my bad days. I was much more open than I am now.

There’s been an interesting thing about social media and the more that my accounts have grown, the less I share. And this is not calculated. This was due to the more people that started commenting on a photo I posted, you all would answer questions that others had, so that by the time I read what the initial question was, there were already all the answers I would have said. You all created a community which made me so happy and beyond proud. It also meant that I didn’t need to spend every waking moment responding on Instagram. It allowed me to have time to myself. 10922690_598431230290355_7556738706851130417_nBut in this time, I stopped being so engaged, again not on purpose. It just happened that way. It then began getting to a point where I wasn’t sure if sharing my story was what you all wanted to hear. Do you want to know when I have a bad day and binge? Or do you want someone you can look up to knowing that things look beautiful and good? I don’t the answer even for myself. I remember when I started my health journey, I would have bad days and want to know that Miranda Kerr ate some bad food or wasn’t ‘perfect.’ I needed to hear that. But I never did and I kept looking up to her.IMG_8399{all this delicious food!}

I vowed to help others. To share that I was real, so that  you all knew it was possible to have good and bad days and overcome the not-so-good ones. I wanted you all to see that life was full of beautiful moments and teach you how to deal with the crappy times. Life is not perfect. No person is. It’s just not possible. But we can try to become the best that we personally can be. That’s all that matters.

I write this though, because I’ve been thinking so much about what it is I’m trying to share with you all now. I am scared to share the ‘bad’ moments I have with you. But I’m going to do it…

Tonight I realized I was going to binge. And I hate this word. ‘Binge.’ It’s not a good word. One thing I always tell clients is to tell yourself you overate. It has a less negative connotation. Binging makes you automatically become guilty. Anyways, I was going to overeat then. And I knew it, although I also knew my body didn’t want to. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to go to the gym, skip dinner altogether, eat something healthy, or eat bad. I wanted to do it all. So I told my boyfriend, which was very scary, and said I am going to binge tonight. He asked what I wanted him to do. I said I don’t know.

I ended up deciding to go to Whole Foods so I could buy a bunch of things I wanted. This turned out to be great, because I was given permission (by myself) to buy or eat whatever I wanted. No Guilt. So we went and guess what. I bought a lot of healthy things. Stuff to make guacamole, hummus, a salad, and of course some ‘not-as-healthy’ things such as cheeses and ingredients to make a beautiful grilled peach salad with prosciutto and burrata cheese.IMG_8396{hummus, guacamole, grilled peaches with prosciutto, burrata, Parmesan chips, more cheese, cabbage, tabbouleh, pickles, roasted red peppers}

My bf and me got home and I went in the kitchen. We turned on jazz music (my favorite) and opened a nice bottle of red. I allowed myself to indulge. And it was beautiful. A night that I was overly stressed and feeling bad about myself turned into a wonderful night with all these different foods that I love. And I ended up eating much healthier than I thought I would. All because I ALLOWED myself to do something I would have hidden.

I didn’t go buy a pizza, I bought things I knew I had to make. That’s one thing about when you know you will eat something bad- make it yourself. The guilt goes away and it’s can actually become something quite. nice.

The last part of why I am sharing this with you is because of this: I asked for help when I needed it. I didn’t feel good about myself and instead of going off and hiding, trying to be with myself, I openly told my boyfriend I was going to binge and he was so caring. He allowed me to be open, discuss something that we don’t like to talk about, and it helped so much. Please don’t be scared to ask for help. Even in your darkest moments, I PROMISE there is someone there who cares for you and wants to make you feel better. It might not be someone you even expect, but there will be someone. You must realize that it’s about not beating yourself up when you do things that you don’t like. We all make mistakes and we all do things that make us human. The most important thing is to forgive yourself.


{seacat trying to get in on the action!}

So with that, I hope you liked this post. It was quite an open one and a bit hard to write because I am sharing so much of my personal story, but I believe this is the sort of thing that can help others.

With Love, N

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